In partnership with FreakingNews.com - latest news spoof pictures, and LUKOL.com

[Contact Us]

Subscribe for our free newsletter to get our newest jokes in your email: Privacy Guarantee
Your email:

 
Web www.top-greetings.com
Scroll down for today's jokes, horoscopes and
pictures!
Submit a NEW Joke or NEW Picture [Jokes Archive]

 
Related links: IQ test intelligence traits emotional intelligence test

Send this picture to your friends (NEW!) - click here

Post Your Caption (New!) or SEE OTHER PEOPLE'S CAPTIONS

CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS PICTURES


Vote for Today's New Jokes submitted by our readers!

-2 :-(( terrible!
-1 :-( bad
0 :-| average
+1 :-) good
+2 :-)) great!
Rating System: By default your rating of every joke is zero. You may change each joke's rating to a positive or negative value, depending on whether you liked the joke or not. After you read and rate all the jokes, press the VOTE! button at the end of this page. If you don't want to cast your vote, but just want to see how other people voted, click on the See Other Votes link.
Subscribe for our free newsletter to get our newest jokes in your email: Privacy Guarantee
Your email:

October 10, New Joke Submissions: October 10 Links:

Received from: Drew

Meanings change. "On time" once could mean punctuality. Now it means on monthly payments.

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Betsy

A young boy ran up to his teacher with tears in his eyes. The teacher asked, "What's wrong, dear?"

The boy said, "I just found out I'll be in school until I'm eighteen."

The teacher said, "That's nothing. I have to stay here until I'm sixty-five."

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Lorraine

One day my fiance decided to take my ten-year-old son, Brian, ice fishing. It took two hours to pack a lunch, load the truck with gear and warm clothes, go to the store to buy fresh shrimp for bait, make a hole in the ice, and set up rods and chairs. It was finally time to bait the line. "Where's the shrimp?" Reed asked. "Gone", replied Brian. "I got hungry while waiting."

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Lorraine

"Father Time is not always a hard parent, and, though he tarries for none of his children, often lays his hand lightly upon those who have used him well; making them old men and women inexorably enough, but leaving their hearts and spirits young and in full vigor. With such people the gray head is but the impression of the old fellow's hand in giving them his blessing, and every wrinkle but a notch in the quiet calendar of a well-spent life." (Charles Dickens)

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Lorraine

Chester was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader’s table.

Said the mysterious old woman, "For $25, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."

Chester readily agreed, and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."

"That’s true," said Chester.

"Oh, my goodness! You are extremely lonely, aren’t you?"

"Yes," Chester shamefully admitted. "That’s amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"

"Love line? No, from the calluses."

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Lorraine

I requested identification from a department-store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase. After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that bore both her name and address.

It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank.

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Lorraine

My friend’s husband, Jay, is a state trooper and enjoys sharing the excuses people use when stopped for speeding. One day, however, the tables were turned. Jay maintains an aquarium of exotic fish, and a prized specimen had threatened to turn belly up. The off-duty officer called a pet store, and they advised him to immediately purchase a special additive that would correct the water’s pH.

Jay and his wife jumped into the car and rushed to the store. A state trooper signaled them to pull over. "Go ahead," Jay’s wife said. "Tell him you’ve got a sick fish!"

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Charles

Flattery is a two-way deal: Tell some guy how smart he is, and soon he will brag about your intelligence.

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Andrew

Moral courage is when you are positive a course of action is right, then follow it despite adverse criticism.

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Ken

Midlife crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about the same age.

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: laurie

Republicans are saying, Oh Joe Biden got beaten by a girl. Democrats are screaming elderly abuse.

They determined who got the first question by a coin toss. To which Sarah Palin said, “What a coincidence — that’s how I was picked.”

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Elaine

Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks. Most men think it's looks; most women know otherwise.

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Dave

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Messages Left On Sarah Palin’s Answering Machine

10. “Hi, it’s John McCain; I had to go to bed. How’d it go?”

9. “Hi, Katie Couric here. Have you thought of a Supreme Court case yet?”

8. “Hi, it’s Bill Clinton. Let me know when Todd’s out of town.”

7. “My name is Joseph Sixpack — knock it off.”

6. “Hi, Katie Couric again — think of any newspapers yet?”

5. “Buy the Late Show Fun Facts book. It’s a bridge to hilarity.”

4. “John McCain again; could you pick up my prescriptions?”

3. “Senator Larry Craig here — do you have Joe Biden’s phone number?”

2. “McCain again; do you remember where I parked the Straight Talk Express?”

1. “It’s President Bush. If you’re at the debate, who’s watchin’ Russia?”

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Lorraine

Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible.

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Charles

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in others than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum


Received from: Claudine

Is it because most women need drugs to cope with the pain of childbirth that men think of them as the weaker sex?

Your rating:
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Post Your Comments or Visit Jokes Forum

Previous Day's Jokes [See other votes]

[Visit Jokes Archive ]

[View All Other Jokes of This Date]

.. Fat People Antonella Barba
Online Encyclopedia and Dictionary eCards

Recent Joke Archives:
     October 2008     
                      
 Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa 
           1  2  3  4 
  5  6  7  8  9 10 11 
 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 
 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 
 26 27 28 29 30 31    
The rest of the archives are here.

Legal attorney help

FEATURED LINKS

We LOVE YOU.
HE_CAT or SHE-CAT...
God Bless the USA
Ghost picture
Celebrity or Look-alike?
What's wrong with this picture?
Chinese bedtime story


 You will NEVER pay retail again for Inkjet cartridges
 
Web www.top-greetings.com

 Sign up for our FREE Jokes Mailing List to receive the daily best jokes voted by our readers!

Your E-Mail:

Our Privacy Guarantee

 

Submit a NEW Joke or a Real Life Story:

Please note: your joke (or funny story) will be displayed exactly in the same format as it appears in the submission box below. Please format your text carefully! IF YOUR JOKE IS OLDER THAN A WEEK, DO NOT SUBMIT IT.
THERE IS A LIMIT OF FIVE DAILY SUBMISSIONS PER PERSON. PLEASE DO NOT FLOOD.

Your Name    (optional):
Our Privacy Guarantee
 

GREETINGS CATEGORIES

Funny Greetings / Funny Movies / Love & Romance / Holidays & Seasonal / Friendship / Birthday / Best voted greetings / Best greetings from other sites

| Send this site to your friends | Contact us |

New pictures, jokes & horoscopes are added every 24 hours. Come back often.
2000 - 2003 © Top-Greetings.com, FunPile.com, LUKOL.com and FreakingNews.com

Links to other sites: Dobhran Gr-r-reetings! ~ SuperLaugh ~ eBaumsWorld ~ Paper TOYS ~ Funny Pictures ~ Spiritisup - Uplifting Flash & Java ~ Optical illusions ~ Sick Cartoons ~ ClickECards ~ Free Greeting Cards ~ All4Love ECards




The design and contents of this site are (C) Top-Greetings.Com, 2000-2005